Feeling off

For the past few weeks, I've felt "off".  Not quite sure what I'm feeling.  Not sad, not angry, not upset, not happy.  I didn't know what the feeling was.

I know that I'm dreading the winter holidays this year...it's the year the pendulum swings the other way and Dan will be an angel longer than he was here.

Last night I figured it out.  I was going through my Facebook memories and I found one from 2012 that talked about the year before.  And another memory this morning from 2011.

This week was the beginning of the end.  This is the week Dan was admitted to the hospital and brought us to his Niemann Pick diagnosis in a few weeks.  Exactly 5 years later, the days of the week are lining up exactly.

There is no way to describe the emotion or feeling.  It's just a weird feeling of "off".  I guess that's part of grief.  Not quite knowing what you are feeling.