Bereaved Mother's

The Mother's Day I was pregnant with Dan, I looked at all the Mother's Day cards and couldn't wait for Dan to pick one out or create one in school.  He would be so proud of what he picked out or created.  

I had 5 Mother's Day's with him.  5 glorious days - with the last one just before his diagnosis of Niemann-Pick.

Then came the Mother's Day after we was gone.  One of the worst days I have had.  I felt like a failed mom - I couldn't keep my child safe, I couldn't protect him - I had failed as a mother.

The Mother's Day I was pregnant with Shelby, I started to look forward to those hand picked or hand created cards.  I was confident that I would have many years of those cards to look forward too.  My job as a mother wasn't complete - I was given a second chance.

The past couple of years, I have seen posts and articles about International Bereaved Mother's Day.  I usually see them the day of, and I never realize when it is coming.  I just realized that it is the 1st Sunday in May.

Anyway, today is that day - International Bereaved Mothers Day (#internationalbereavedmothersday).  Yes, it's a real day.  Would I say "Happy International Bereaved Mother's Day"?  Um, no.  But I have seen that phrase today.  Must be from someone who just didn't realize what it meant.

I found a great article on Huffington Post today.  Click here to read it.  You can visit the official page about this day here and some additional "holiday" information here.

Father's Day

This past weekend was Father's Day.  We went camping in Lake George (less than an hour away).

While there I was struck by the way our life is "normal" now and just how far we have come in 6 years.

You see, 6 years ago we were sitting in a hospital room waiting for a diagnosis. We had fun plans for the weekend, which we cancelled.  Instead, we spent it in a Garden reading the history of the hospital.

I had started to make a "bucket list" for Dan - things to do and places to go - so we would always have fun memories.  Well, not one thing was crossed off that list.

I found that list about a year or so ago and posted it on our pegboard.  I'm not sure if this past weekend, with playing in the Lake and riding the rides at Magic Forest, were on the list.

But one thing I did realize - you don't need a bucket list to make memories.

Middle of May means....

For many, it means Mother's Day, celebrated on the second Sunday in May.

Did you know the first Sunday in May is International Bereaved Mother's Day?

I saw this article the other day, What Grieving Mother's Want For Mother's Day. Mother's Day is recognized as a celebration of being a mother. But what about those who don't have their children to celebrate? Are they any less than mother?

So between last Sunday and this Sunday, please reach out to a mother who has lost their child.

2017!?

Wow!

It's crazy that it is now 2017!  Where has the time gone?

The blog has been a bit quiet lately.  Late in 2016 were a lot of grief "milestones" and I had to work through them.

November 11 - 5 years since Dan died - which meant that he had been gone longer than he was here
December 7 - Dan would have been 10 years old

And then Christmas rolled around, and it's just been busy.

I hope to be back to blogging on a somewhat regular basis soon.

So for now, here are a few Christmas pictures.

These are the GeoTrax train sets that we purchased for Dan and Daddy to play with.  Shelby has been enjoying them too.  Unfortunately, Fisher Price stopped making them so finding pieces either means paying outrageous prices for one or two pieces, or getting big tubs of random pieces for a better price as people clean out their unwanted stuff.

Another Mother's Day

Mother's Day was yesterday.  My Facebook feed was covered with pictures of moms with their kids or adults sharing memories of their moms who have died.

I also saw many people post about remembering those moms who don't have their children with them...due to miscarriages, stillbirth, accidents,  or diseases.  I hope more people realize that this is one day that will always be difficult for these moms.  Having a living child does not change the fact that there is one (or more) that aren't alive.

I spent my weekend doing fun things.  My mom took me and my daughter (and the guys too) to see Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood Live in Friday night.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, you don't have toddlers.  Then Saturday morning was spent with Elsa and Olaf.

Saturday evening, we ran to the store so I could pick out a pot of mixed flowers.  While there Shelby picked out a Mother's Day card for me.  It had Cookie Monster on it.  And she was upset when my husband took it away to sign it.  That simple act...her picking a card...brought tears to my eyes.  Both happy and sad tears.  I realize with the little things she does like that, how much Dan really couldn't or didn't do.

So on that note, I hope all the moms had a wonderful day, in whatever form that takes for you.

Christmas Eve or not

It's Christmas Eve and I really am not feeling all that festive.  I think the 70* we had today and lack of snow and cold is keeping me from really feeling like it is Christmas.

Shelby is tracking Santa using an app on my phone.  We took the "I hate Santa" 2 year old picture, even though all she talks about is "Santi" and "presents".

Presents are being wrapped and placed under the tree.  The Christmas train is being played with.  Things are looking a lot like Christmas around here.

I want to give her the best life and the best of me.  But it doesn't feel like I am.  Seeing her grow up, knowing that I'm missing all these things with her brother hurts. I wonder what he would have bought her, would it have been something he liked so that she wouldn't play with it? Or would it have been a Disney toy?  Something is missing, and that hole will always be there.

 

Help others and be beautiful

I know it's been a while.  It's the crazy, hectic (and emotional) time of year.  I will get back to writing about surviving grief soon.

In the meantime, I wanted to share this opportunity with all of you.  Many of you know that I am a Jamberry Independent Consultant.  I help women have beautiful nails without the time and expense of a salon.

Through December 31, Jamberry is offering 2 different sets of nail wraps.  Both sets will have $2 from each sale donated to the Now I Can Foundation.  You can read more about Now I Can here.  The funds donated are being designated to help cover treatment grants for families to participate in their 3 week intensive therapy program.  This video shows you what the Foundation does.

So what do these wraps look like?  You can purchase (U.S. and Canada only) both of them, one is a regular set, one is a junior set (for small nails) at my website.

Can you help children with all types of disabilities have the best lives they can?

Easter

To me, Easter is about the kids - coloring eggs, egg hunts and chocolate!  We had a bit of all 3!


Coloring eggs with a toddler can be quite messy....so newspapers and old t-shirts.  And lots of soap and water to get rid of the multi-colored hands!

Tree Decorating

We set up our Christmas tree a few weeks ago.  When we brought it upstairs and put it together, we were greeted with this surprise:

A teddy bear and a dove that were still stuck inside the branches near the top of the tree.  These aren't small ornaments either.

So we left them there and decorated around them.  And of course we had some help....

The train set is a Christmas Geo Trax set that we bought for Dan and he enjoyed it.  We left most of the smaller pieces in the box this year but Shelby does carry the big remote around with her.

An Extra Stocking

Last year I found this wonderful post about teaching kids the true meaning of Christmas - not the toys or the gifts - but being kind and helping each other.  I saved the link all year and I am now sharing it with you.  Shelby is still too small to understand, but posting it here will keep it accessible in the years to come. 

Sunshine and a Summer Breeze: An Extra Stocking

 

 

So what holiday traditions have you started for your family?

Our Thankgiving in Pictures

The day started out with a winter scene:

Yes, it snowed.  Well over 8 inches.  Thankfully, it was light and fluffy snow.

Thanksgiving thoughts

A friend shared this with me this morning.

 

Holidays are difficult for any family who has lost a loved one.  For us there is much joy and sorrow for us in the time between Halloween and New Year's Day.

 

So this Thanksgiving take a minute and read this article and this year be thankful for life.  In a strange way, I am also thankful for death.  Because without death there is no life.

 

 

http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/11/grateful-grieving/

 

 

We The People

As Americans those three words are the beginning of one of the most important documents in this country - the U.S. Constitution.

"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

Today, September 17 is Constitution Day. Constitution Day commemorates the formation and signing of the U.S. Constitution by thirty-nine brave men on September 17, 1787, recognizing all who, are born in the U.S. or by naturalization, have become citizens. (source)

Take some time today and revisit the U.S. Constitution. You can see the images of the document on the National Archive webpage

Other resources are:
The Constitution Day webpage
The National Archive Teachers webpage.
The White House webpage
The Library of Congress webpage
The U.S. Courts webpage

Patriot Day

It was 13 years ago today when the unthinkable happened. 

On my way into work today I realized that it has been 13 years.  It has been long enough for some of those born in 2001 to be nearing high school and the events of today to be included in their history books.

Grandparents Day

Did you know that the first Sunday after Labor Day is Grandparents Day?

My first instinct was - this is a "Hallmark" holiday.  But it is a true holiday.

So to honor the Grandparents and Great-Grandparents, here are some photos:

 Four generations with Dan

Flag Day Pictures

June 14 was Flag Day. Flag Day is one of those "forgotten" holidays. But for Elks, Flag Day is an important day. It is one of those days that all Elks need to recognize.

If you are near an Elks lodge on June 14, please see the Flag Day Ceremony. It is a public ceremony. The Ceremony details the history of the flag and what it means.

In 1907, the BPOE Grand Lodge designated by resolution June 14 as Flag Day. The Grand Lodge of the Order adopted mandatory observance of the occasion by every Lodge in 1911, and that requirement continues. The Elks prompted President Woodrow Wilson to recognize the Order's observance of Flag Day for its patriotic expression.

For more information about Flag Day, you can read the Elks brochure here.

Here are some pictures of this year's ceremony from our Elks Lodge, which took place in the Veteran's Park near the Lodge.

For Father's Day

Memorial Day

 

Many people think of Memorial Day as the start of summer. There are picnics and barbeques and parades.  But the real meaning of the holiday has been lost in the hustle of life.

 

Last year I wrote about the local Memorial Day parade and some of the history of Memorial Day.

Happy Mother's Day

To all those who are moms.

Whether your child is with you are not, being a mom is a difficult job.

Happy Birthday Daddy

Today is hubby's birthday.

We celebrated last night.