A blog about the grief after losing a child to Niemann Pick, Type C, a rare disease, and how I'm moving forward with my life.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Right Way to Grieve

Generally the world says that it takes a year to grieve properly.  Well, guess what?  There is no one answer that fits for everyone. 

Grief doesn't have a timetable. There is no RIGHT way.  Every person is unique and every situation is unique.  You don't grieve the same way with each loss either. 

I miss my grandpa. But he was over age 90 when he died and I have some great memories and pictures of him with Dan.  I am grieving that he won't know his great granddaughter.

But that grief is a different grief than my other grandpa who never saw me graduate from college, get married, or have kids.

And that grief is different than losing a child. Not only is the child gone, but so are the hopes and dreams you had for that child. For some, the loss is unexpected, like a car accident.  For others, it is expected, like with Dan. 

We experienced many layers of grief, and are still experiencing some, and will continue to experience some.
My first bit of grief was realizing that Dan probably wouldn't be able to do what his peers were doing. Then came his diagnosis which brought a whole new level of grief~ the anticipated loss.  Of course we have the grief when he died. And now, I still have grief watching Shelby grow and know that she will only have pictures and stories of her brother. I know that in the future I will have more grief when she does things that Dan was never able to do.

So you see grief is never ending. There is no time limit. There is no one set of experiences. There is no one RIGHT way.  The right way is the way that fits you best. 

So please don't say to someone, "You should be over that."  Because you never are over grieving.


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