A letter

Dear Dan,

You were an unexpected blessing. I never saw myself as a mom. You made me see the world in a different way. You taught me what it means to love unconditionally. You wrote on my heart. I watched you grow and learn, as only you could. I watched you struggle. I was scared out of my mind every day that I wouldn't be able to say goodbye.

You taught me so much. I learned to stand up for myself, stand up for what I believed in.

You sent your sister to help me learn more of what you tried teaching me. I see you in her everyday. She sees you and plays with you.

Patience. Creativity. Fun. Presence. Love. Kindness.

Your 11’s are a message. A message to follow my instincts and my gut. A message to be the best person I can be to myself, dad and Shelby. A message to believe in myself.

I love you Dan. You will always be my baby, no matter how “old” you get.

Love, Mom

April Showers (in the eyes)

Springtime always seems to bring me some tears.  It's an odd time of year to get sentimental and teary-eyed, but that's what grief is.

Unpacking the backyard firepit, cleaning up the yard.  These remind me of the fun times that Dan had in the backyard - driving around on his kid quad, chasing after us with sticks - laughing all the time.  I can't easily find it, but I remember putting him in snow pants because our backyard is usually soggy for most of April and sometimes into May.