18 months and 7 years

About 7 years ago I found out I was pregnant.  We were in the middle of renovating the house we had just purchased and had a bunch of things we wanted to do.  So we quickly shifted plans and decided what projects became a priority (the nursery!) and which ones could wait (the kitchen!)

Little did any of us know that a short 5 1/2 years later we would have to unexpectedly say goodbye.


This is my second Mother's Day without my baby and I think I feel this one more.  That first year you just kind of live and get through...the second year you actually realize what you are feeling.

There are so many events for mother's - from free food at restaurants to free activities to you name it.  But many times in order to take advantage of these things you need to have your child with you.  How do you explain that "yes, I am a mom", and "yes, my son is with me", but "no, you can't see him" and "no, he isn't in the military" (which seems to be the exception to having your child with you).  How do you explain that your child is dead but you will always be his mother? 

Many people just don't understand, although that is slowly changing.  The death of a child shouldn't be a taboo subject, a "skeleton in the closet".  I'm not saying it should be celebrated, but an acknowledgment and maybe some events specifically for moms of angels would be nice.