A blog about the grief after losing a child to Niemann Pick, Type C, a rare disease, and how I'm moving forward with my life.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Mom to an angel

Yesterday I met with some new friends and some old friends at a monthly gathering of parents and kids with different abilities.  The old friends knew Dan at his worst.

One of my new friends introduced herself, "Hi! I'm (name), mom to (name)."  I answered her, "Hi! I'm Jill, mom to an angel."

She paused a minute, looked at me and then a few minutes later, asked how old my child was.  I answered "He would be 6 in December."

She paused again, looked at me again, and then realized what I had said.

I am mom to an angel.

There I've said it.  It naturally rolled off my tongue, just as if I said "Hi! I'm Jill, mom to Dan."  I didn't cry when I said it.  Maybe because of the company I was in - parents who understand special needs.  Parents who understand life challenges.

It's not a phase I ever wanted to say.  It's not a group I ever wanted to be a part of.  But sometimes you just don't have control over your life.  If I did, Dan would still be here, healthy. 

But I have to accept that he isn't.  Accepting it doesn't make it any easier, doesn't make it any better.  It's just reality. 

I will always be Dan's mom.  But I am also, now, mom to an angel.

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